You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
