I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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