Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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