you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
