I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
