I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
