when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
