last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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