Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
