All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
