i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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