so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
