I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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