i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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