I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
