Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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