I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
