Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
