come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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