I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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