i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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