so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
