What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Mom said you looked used
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I could fuck to npr.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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