I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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