his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
