You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
