You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
