Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
