The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.