That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex