Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to calm my uterus...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
