My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
