the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
