you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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