I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
