i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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