I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
