Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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