It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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