I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
