he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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