i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
