jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
