Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
