you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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