3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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