I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
