Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
