Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
