i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
