Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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