my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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