I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
