Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
