Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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