I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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