I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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