If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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