the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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