Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
