The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
