Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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