i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You're like the curious george of whores
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
