do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
