This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can you bring me the toilet please
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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