Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
