I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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