I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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