I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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