he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i drank out of a bidet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
