its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You've changed since you got that strap on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
