Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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