Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
