There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
