break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
