I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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