I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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