Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
