CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
