Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
